I love my life, even if something goes wrong. Ever since I was little, I've enjoyed my life and I love my family to pieces even if they annoy me sometimes. However, my life came crashing down when my dad had to get a new job in Italy when the factory closed down. My mam has had to cope by herself since then, which didn't help her. Me and my older sister even had to cope, we would get upset at times, but we had to be strong. Sometimes, I could be cold around people, not wanting to talk or just sometimes saying a few mean comments. But, it doesn't start there my friends, for it starts when I am just a baby. I was a cute baby, (like all babies are), nothing not natural happened. Then, when I was nine months old, my parents split up...which meant my mam had to look after me and my sister by herself. On my fifth birthday, I found out my granddad died, (they had turned the machines off), I can't really remember the funeral. It's just a big blank in my mind, even if I want to remember, I can't. I always went to school as if nothing happened, my friends didn't notice at the time. In Year 4, I met this girl called Casey, I hadn't noticed her until then. We talked, and talked until we became friends. We were very close indeed, we think of each other as a sister. Now, in the present, we are BFFs and still think of each other as a sister. I met a few close friends in my Primary School. We are still close now, but can have arguments from time to time. OK, sorry for not updating my blog in a while, and I hope you enjoy it! I've been wondering about bullying lately, and it's not the nicest topic, is it? When I was just in primary, my sister was getting bullied at school, (I won't include her name). She didn't speak about it, she was scared to go to school. I didn't really understand, I tried. She kept her feelings bottled up, and did not want us to know, or for that matter help. But, it got worse. The bullies pulled her friend's hair in a corner, and to stop the bully from getting closer, she pushed her into some type of cart. Bullying is not acceptable, and if you do, you're not normal. I was always strong for my sister, I always tried my best, but sometimes I would think. Why does everything happen to me? Why am I blamed? Even Casey got bullied by a girl in the same year as us, and when we were in primary, I saw how she treat Casey, so I clicked. I began shrieking at her, pushing her, doing whatever I could do, throwing insults. Some victims of bullying commit suicide because they don't know what else to do. Please can we stop bullying? Before we all turn cold, and heartless? I don't want anyone with a good heart to be bullied, or no one to be bullied at all. I've never been normal, because I imagine things no normal girl will think, or imagine to do. But, don't ever ask me what I'm thinking of, or you'll get quite a surprise. It's been a while since I've written any more...I had other things that troubled me. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. A lot of things have happened since I've written last...just a tidal wave of feelings. I hate the word feelings. I always think of something; does my dad even care for me? Love me even? I bottle up feelings, that's who I am. I'm different to everyone else. They are happy, they have a strong bond with their families at heart. I don't feel that way, I feel alone. Forgotten. Not cared for. I hate myself. I hate my personality. Nothing I do is ever right...GO TO HELL. Stupid teachers who think they'll understand me, HELP ME even....they can't. I don't like people. Accept those who read my story and understand. I especcially hate adults who THINK they understand. They don't.
15th May 2017
Depression- the belief in people where you feel different and shouldn't be apart of the universe that binds us here, not from fate, but the path we take.
I, my friends, might have monophobia and depression as i don't belong here, caring words or not, its just the truth that poisons us, the human brain easily tricked, which is, without a doubt, the problem with humans.
Whatever I say, no one understands. I hate it. The never-ending nightmare of my life has just begun.
16th May 2017
It was ok today. School was interesting to say the least, a heart dissection. I'm not exactly normal, but i don't care...i found it exciting.
17th May 2017
A day of school. Thoughts that shouldn't be in the mind if a fourteen year old girl. No one notices that I have depression, but my friend, who I believe has been told that she has depression has little sessions, and people worry about her. But because I'm so quiet, and no one notices I'm in a void of my own. I hate pity. Hate the word, the meaning, how people use it. I just pity selfish beings such as humans.
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